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US President Barack Obama Visits China 2009
> China-US Relations
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Tying the knot bridges differencesBy Erik Nilsson (China Daily)
Updated: 2009-11-14 13:30
Liaoning province native Hu Wenshu and her husband, American Eric Lerdal, hold the same view of cultural differences - that those differences are a mirage in marriage. Lerdal, 40, said the manner in which they began their courtship at a university in Hebei's provincial capital, Shijiazhuang, in 2002 was typical of any college sweethearts in the United States. "We just spent a lot of time together and started discovering common interests," Lerdal said. "I didn't really think too much about it," Hu, 28, said. "I just thought he was a really nice guy." So they married two years later. They staged a traditional Northeast China wedding in Hu's hometown near Liaoning's capital, Shenyang, before holding an American-style reception in the US. While the couple agrees Lerdal has adopted some Chinese habits, Lerdal said his wife is a "pretty typical" Chinese without any particular inclination toward Western thinking. But none of that matters, they agree. "We just kind of tossed culture aside," Lerdal said. "I think it's all superficial." He said that may be because the US and China are both heterogeneous societies. One thing Lerdal said initially took some getting used to was the different conceptions of jealousy. "I realized it's not because she doesn't trust me; it's a display of affection," he said. He pointed out that in the US, jealousy is more closely linked to suspicion. And when it comes to raising their 2-year-old twins, Lucy and Luray, they say they do it their "own way", rather than following their homelands' conventions. Paul Cokeley and his wife, Li Jie, also said that cultural differences don't mix into their chemistry. The 31-year-old American said his wife, 29, instead often understands him - and especially his sense of humor - better than most foreigners. The couple said that while cultural barriers don't afflict their romance, the threat of them actually helps their relationship. "Whenever we have a problem, we're more careful because we don't want to offend the other person's culture," Cokeley said. "When you don't have cultural differences, you can easily just jump into an argument because you're angry." But while they don't clash between themselves, some frustrations have arisen since Li's mother moved in last month to care for their newborn daughter, Charlotte. But after the mother leaves, the couple doesn't anticipate conflicts over child-rearing issues. Both couples envision a bright future for their cross-cultural families. "I hope we'll be happy together for the rest of our lives," Hu said.
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