Family: Shy son struggling to find friends

Dear Dinah,

My 14-year-old son is extremely shy and timid. He has few friends, even though we’ve been in Beijing for just over a year and he attends an international school with children from similar backgrounds. I fear he’s unhappy here. What can I do to encourage him to come out of his shell and make friends?

For many of us, our teen years were the most socially awkward, so before you speak to your son take a glance back into your past and put yourself in your son’s shoes. Extra-curricular activities, whether sports, performing arts or an academic pursuit, will put your son in circles where his interests are shared by others. One-on-one time with an individual would be great, so invite a friend he likes to stay overnight (another boy, of course). Be proactive as a “team parent” or coach, provide snacks or just generally make yourself present at his activities and take the initiative to find out who the other kids and parents are and invite them over. Help build his confidence by honing his skills at something he enjoys. Does he like to work with computers? If so, maybe he could help out a few hours a week at a computer store. Does he like to cook? Invite a few friends over and show off his talent. China has lots of opportunities for foreigners young and old, so just do it.

Need advice? Ask METRO’s agony aunt Dinah Chong Watkins. Send questions to metrobeijing@chinadaily.com.cn or our Sina Weibo @chinadailymetro . Please give as many details about the situation as possible.