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Stop, you're beginning to hug me

By Patrick Whiteley ( China Daily ) Updated: 2009-03-23 09:15:10

Stop, you're beginning to hug me

It's not that I don't like you all-day huggers, or don't want to know more about you.

I just don't need to hold your body close to mine in order to further our friendship.

If we spark a natural connection and are like-minded we can share that special intimacy, which good friends enjoy.

We'll have a marvelous fellowship and some insightful conversations, but do you really need grab me every time?

The Chinese people's no-hug policy is perfect for me. Can you imagine 1.3 billion huggers?

I shudder at the thought.

Hugs are great in the right context and I love hugging my mom, my dad, my younger brother and his family.

I also hug a couple of very good friends and their children, and at weddings and funerals, I'm the hugger from hell.

But when life runs its even keel, I keep my arms to myself.

Hugging is a cultural thing.

I only ever slightly hugged my grandmothers and aunts as I kissed them on the cheek and I never, ever hugged my grandfathers and uncles.

In fact, my 62-year-old father has only recently insisted on hugging me. That's OK because he only sees me once a year.

We all hug our young children but after puberty, some cultures hug and some don't.

Generally speaking, Australian males like me aren't big on hugging their male friends.

We are a low-touch culture, like other countries in northern Europe and Asia.

However, younger Australian guys seem to be hugging it out more often these days and I blame American television.

In fact, I blame American TV for everything wrong in the world (except Miami: CSI, which is totally awesome).

It's not just Aussie teens, it's all the youngsters in the world who are gripped by this hugging hysteria, especially the hip-hop embrace.

They mimic their rapper idols, who handshake high, pull together and go bump.

But this hugging business between African American men, though common now, wasn't always so, according to Duke University professor of black popular culture Mark Anthony Neal.

"For older African American men, I would be more apt to handshake," he told the Denver Post. "I cannot imagine hugging my father."

Parts of the Middle East, and parts of southern Europe, such as France and Italy, have high-touch cultures, in which the men not only hug one another, they kiss too and good luck to them.

Our expat community is made up of such diverse people and it's always different strokes for different folks.

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