The wisdom of keeping time on paper

As a member of a generation that knew no computers or personal devices, I think I have adjusted fairly well to the electronic marvels that people take for granted today. But there is one convenience that I cannot embrace. I still depend upon a paper calendar to plan my days.

My wife has urged me to get with the modern program. She has adopted technology so enthusiastically that her iPhone beeps messages at all hours, so marriage with her is like being the spouse of R2-D2 from Star Wars. (That reminds me: I must make a notation on my calendar to bury her phone in a bucket of sand so I can get some sleep.)

I simply like paper. I like paper books (no Kindle for me), paper calendars (no Google reminders), newspapers (no wrapping fish in a computer) and toilet paper (definitely no bidets).

My view is that paper is where trees go to be immortal when great words are written down to last. So I was heartened by a recent story in the Business Day section of The New York Times titled Mark It Down: Paper Calendars Endure in Digital Age.

Now, if you take inspiration from a good quotation, as I do, you can certainly find websites specializing in quotations. But reading quotations on the internet is like eating Chinese food with a knife and fork - it's just not as tasty.

Besides, you have to make a special effort to get your daily quotation fix on the internet. An educational desk pad gives you a fresh quotation with every new day. I miss that and I can't find a fitting replacement.

All is not lost, because I still have a traditional, large paper calendar. My 2017 calendar has no quotations but it does feature big spaces for notes, such as doctor and dentist appointments and iPhone burials. It came from a hardware store and has watercolor pictures of trains, mostly steam.

The Times story about paper calendars revived an old dream: To have a quotation of mine printed on a desk pad calendar. There's not much to look forward to in the column-writing game - crickets chirping to break the silence when there's not volleys of abuse - but it would be great to be on a calendar. I would join the trees in immortality.

Calendar citation is almost a higher honor than having a reader stick the column on a fridge door. If my mother were still alive, she'd look at the calendar with my name and pithy saying and glow with pride. "Look," she'd say to the neighbors, "A date that will live in incredibility."

If anybody is out there in the desktop calendar publishing world looking for a few bon mots, while public demand still exists, I would recommend myself, in the absence of anybody else stepping forward. Here's a sample - old and new - of what I can offer:

Progress often isn't.

Bias is something other people have when they don't agree with you.

When men are men, women usually know better.

The road to hell may be paved with good intentions but the highway to hell is always paved with bad intentions.

Give a man a fish, he has a meal for a day. Teach a man how to fish and he may curse his luck forever.

You can't wrap a fish in a computer.

Wait! I am repeating myself, but I have lots more sayings, honestly. OK, I'll settle for mention in a fortune cookie. So paper purveyors, feel free to call me. If you call my wife by mistake, no worries, I'll answer the bucket of sand.

Pittsburgh Post-Gazette

纸上日历的妙趣

我属于没有电脑或个人电子设备陪伴成长的那一代人，但我自认为还算适应这些当今人们已经习以为常的“电子奇迹”。不过其中有一个便利我并不能欣然接受。我现在仍然用纸质日历来规划我的日常生活。

我妻子鼓励我跟上现代生活的节奏。她成了现代科技的狂热拥趸，她的苹果手机时时刻刻都在哔哔作响。和她结婚就像是和《星球大战》里的R2-D2机器人一起生活。（这倒提醒了我：我得在我的台历上记下一条备注，到时把她的手机埋进一桶沙里，这样我才能安静地睡会儿觉。）

我就是喜欢纸。我喜欢纸质书（不要Kindle电子书），纸质日历（不要谷歌日历），报纸（电脑里的新闻可不能用来包鱼）和厕纸（绝对不用智能马桶）。

我认为，纸张是树木得以不朽之所在，因为纸张可以记录流芳百世的语言文字。因此，最近《纽约时报》商业版中的一则新闻让我颇受鼓舞，这则新闻的标题是“记录下来：纸质台历不会在数字时代消失”。

《纽约时报》的这则新闻说，纸质台历不仅幸存了下来，而且有些种类的台历销量还有所增加。遗憾的是，不景气的纸质产品中有我最喜欢的一种：桌面便笺式台历。我喜欢那种印有每日名言的老式便笺式台历。

如果你像我一样，喜欢从名言中获得启发，你当然可以去搜专门登名言语录的网站。但在网上阅读名言隽句好比用刀叉吃中餐——味道就是不对劲。

而且，你还必须特意上网搜索，才能满足你每天对名言隽句的需求。一个有教育作用的桌面便笺就能给你的每一天都带来一条新鲜的名言语录。我怀念那种感觉，也找不到合适的替代品。

并非一切都已失去，因为我现在还有一本传统的大号纸质台历。我的2017年台历没有每日名言，但它留有很大的空间可以做记录，比如记下去看病和看牙医的预约，以及埋苹果手机的事。这本台历是从一家五金店买的，上面印着火车的水彩画，大部分是蒸汽火车。

《纽约时报》的这篇关于纸质台历的报道唤起了我的一个往日旧梦：在一个桌面台历上印上我自己的话语。撰写专栏其实并没有太大意思——没有唾沫横飞的评论时，打破沉默的只有蟋蟀的叫声——但印在台历上的感觉就不同凡响。我会和化作纸张的树木一样获得永生。

比起专栏文章被读者贴在冰箱门上，自己的话被印上台历也许更值得荣耀。如果我妈妈还在世，看到台历上印着署有我名字的隽语时，她的脸上会闪现自豪的光芒。“瞧”，她会对邻居说，“这将是一个难以忘怀的日子”。

当大众需求仍然存在，如果台历出版行业还在寻求一些隽句妙语的话，我会在无人出马的情况下毛遂自荐。下面是我可以提供的一些妙语例句，有新有旧：

进步常常是退步。

偏见就是别人不同意你时所持有的看法。

当男人是男人的时候，女人通常会更明白事理。

(本段的翻译有奖征集中)

等等打住！刚才最后这句我已在前面引用过了，但真的，我还有很多妙语警句。好吧，即使能用在幸运饼干里我也可以接受。各位纸媒出版商，欢迎你们随时来电咨询。如果你们误打到我妻子那里，不用担心，我会从沙桶里挖出电话来接听回复。

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上期获奖者：陕西西安　第四军医大学　姜陈超