Voices

Fried chicken or me? Tales of a tasteless relationship

By Huang Yuli (China Daily)
Updated: 2010-07-12 10:28

The plan my boyfriend used to chase me was pretty standard: roses, cafs and restaurants.

We used to hang out a lot in a caf on the west Third Ring Road; the food was nothing special but I liked the atmosphere: large couches, tea-light candles and a piano playing on Saturday or Sunday night. It's been two years and I wanted to go back there again.

A few weeks ago we passed it on our way home and I suggested we sit for a while.

"I'm tired, let's do it tomorrow," he said. It was eight o'clock; we used to stay there till midnight or later.

The next day he changed his mind and suggested we stay at home and make our own coffee.

I went with him to the supermarket and we picked up a pack of imported Italian coffee beans.

Then I went my own way and spent a relaxing afternoon in the caf by myself.

There is a Pizza Hut at the gate of our community. Although it's so close, we have only visited it twice and once was when I was still in college.

I asked him why we had been there so few times and he said the food it offered was not tasty. In fact, I quite like its spaghetti and mashed potato; my girl friends and I have dined there several times without him.

And then came his gift for my 23rd birthday, an electronic German-Chinese dictionary. He said it was practical but I wanted to remember his funny face as he stood with a bunch of roses, waiting for me outside my dormitory, three years ago.

As we spent more time together, romance was replaced with the idea of being practical. I couldn't help but wonder whether it was because of the length of our relationship. Is it possible men never really enjoy cafs and flowers and only give them to please women?

I understand him reverting back to his normal character after the dating period, but I would still like some effort. It feels like he takes me for advantage because he believes he already has me, but forgets I might easily break free.

I remember an American once complained to me about Chinese homeowners, after he saw tons of awful apartments. He said once the landlords had bought their house, they stopped paying attention to it and just tried to rent it out. He said if they had looked after them, they would have been able to rent them much more quickly, but they didn't want to bother.

I don't know whether the comparison is appropriate but I am sure of one thing - a relationship needs constant attention. Love needs to be carefully managed and maintained or it pales and slips away.

A recent Sunday incident hit harder than most. Our roommate moved out and left behind tons of rubbish. We cleaned the flat until late in the evening and I suggested we go to Pizza Hut for some late food - I missed the spaghetti, so he nodded reluctantly.

However, in the elevator, he changed his mind and said he would rather go to KFC.

As we left the building, he headed toward KFC and I made my way to Pizza Hut. I sat at the table, all alone, and recalled the song of a Taiwan singer Rene Liu. Entitled Separate Vacation, it went: I want to go to Los Angeles and you want to go to Paris; let's respect our own decisions and keep a peaceful relationship"

Logically, it is good that I get what I want and he gets what he wants, but only the lack of compromise explains why it hurt so much as I picked up my fork and caught a sight of myself in the mirror on the opposite wall. I was lonely and alone.