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Beijing has indeed arrived on the global culinary scene, and not just for its renowned roasted duck, slithery sea cucumbers and divine dumplings.
It's the water, pure and not so simple, that's lubricating the drink menus of the capital's hottest restaurants and showing the sparking sophistication of local palates.
Where visiting showboating Shanxi coal mine bosses once spiked their Chateau Lafite with 7-Up, we now have entered a gentler age, one with the emergence of the "water sommelier" - the expert on bottled aqua pura.
Chinese customers are indeed willing to pay princely sums for beverages beyond fine wines, and a new trickle-down effect is taking hold. Water is the new vino.
Xiu, a ritzy bar at the Park Hyatt in the Guomao area, has partitions stacked high with fancy spritzes, though there I'm told only the chain's Zurich hotel has a "water sommelier". I envision a feather-capped, lederhosen-clad pro with skills honed from dipping a 24-karat golden gourd into the purest of Alpine springs.
Personally, I don't much care for the cost markup with such waters and think forgoing and making a nifty donation to one of China's parched provinces is a wiser use of money. When staying in hotels, I won't dip in, either; If my young sons so much as cast a glance at the $8 half-liter of Evian on the bedside table, I leap across the room. "Do. Not. Touch. That. Cap." Invariably, pay for water schemes are always plotted where tap water is most foul.
Bottled water sales in China have grown from less than 8 billion liters sold in 2000 to about 21 billion liters last year, with 59 percent of sales in still water coming in retail packs of up to 1 liter, as opposed to the bulky water cooler size.
"The Chinese consumer has started to become more sophisticated when it comes to making decisions about drinking water, with growing awareness of the difference between source and purified water," Cecilia Martinez of the Zenith International market analysis company, wrote.
But precious bottled water with the imprint of fashion designer Jean-Paul Gaultier? Please.
I adhere to the Wahaha and Nongfu Springs schools of survival liquids. I can barely pronounce "sommelier", let alone muster the courage to summon one.
That made my baptism into the world of haute-two-oh all the more challenging to my guide, Sun Young Moon, food and beverage manager at the Hilton Beijing Wangfujing. She serves as the house "water master".
I was hoping for someone who was militant on the subject, one I could possibly poke gentle fun at. Moon, however, was earnest and far too reasonable as I challenged her to prove I need to pop hard-earned money on water.
Hilton's menu offers 10 waters, evenly split between still and sparking waters.
"You need to look at the level of carbonation, mouth-feel and taste," Moon said. "With Evian, the mouth-feel is very slippery," she said by means of comparison.
She praises a Chinese brand, Laoshan, as "very classic", perfect for pairing with steak or chicken. "You taste a bit of salt because of the minerals." It costs 35 yuan for a 330 ml bottle. Voss, from Norway, tops the price list at 105 yuan per 800 ml bottle.
She laid out some effervescent waters over a lunch of octopus and chickpeas salad and spicy African chicken with truffled potato mash, with no saltines or spittoons in sight. The Voss, I was instructed, goes well with Octopus. Clever Norwegians.
"The point is to understand that water can enhance the meal," Moon said. "The concept is if you are going to order water, why don't you choose something that goes better with your food? You are going for the whole experience."
She excused herself to attend a meeting. I immediately, but unintentionally, muffed the test by misplacing the water glasses. Heavens, I mixed up Gerolsteiner with my Laoshan and spent three minutes confused minutes trying to determine, by bubble size, which was which. Giving up, I gulped both down and burped. In certain cultures, I'm told, that's a compliment, but fortunately I was alone.
I left my improvised, if botched, tasting better informed and well-hydrated - not to mention more than a little concerned about whether I could hold my own for the subway ride home.