Focus
Path of true love is not smooth for all expatriates
By Christine Laskowski (China Daily)
Updated: 2010-04-15 08:24
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Three young professionals in Beijing talk about finding love in the capital. And more often than not it isn't pretty.
Genny Griffiths, American, 27, editor
Coming from the United States to be with her boyfriend, now fianc, Griffiths said her love life has been far easier than that of many single foreign women in China.
"I don't have a lot to say because I came already in a relationship," Griffiths said. "I believe it would be tough going for a single Western woman."
Griffiths said that based on what she's seen during her three years in China, foreigners' relationships come down to the personality types of the different sexes.
"I think the kind of foreign guys who come here don't click so well with the girls who come here," she said.
"It's independent people who come to China, but foreign guys often like to be with girls who are not as independent as they are, while women are looking for men who are a lot like them. I think many of the foreign women in Beijing would be attracted to the foreign guys in Beijing if they met them back home, but most foreign men in Beijing aren't looking for long-term relationships with foreign women."
Peter, Swede, 29, consultant
Peter said his love life since coming to Beijing in 2007 has been more or less non-existent.
"You know, I learned this much," he said. "Chinese girls are nice and traditional, and they have this idea that the men should do everything."
Fundamental differences in the idea of gender roles in relationships have a lot to do with his difficulty in having lasting relationships with Chinese women, he said.
"There is this division of responsibility and the idea that women should be passive and do nothing and the men should do everything - you're supposed to be the active partner in everything, not just sex but everything - you should hold their bag, offer all the suggestions. You're supposed to take the initiative in everything and I hate it," said Peter.
"They [Chinese women] seem to be passive, the ones that I've dated. I want someone who takes charge."
Another factor, he said, would be the families of the women and their occasional disapproval about their daughter not dating a Chinese man.
"I was seeing a girl for six months, but the reason we broke up was because her parents disapproved," Peter said.
"They hated the idea of a foreigner being with their girl and they would come here all the time."
But for as much trouble as he has had finding a Chinese partner, Peter said he has not dated a foreign woman during his three years here.
"I've dated none. There are so few foreign women and all the foreign women are either friends of friends or colleagues. So I can't hit on them, but I'd love to date them," he said.
Manuel Areda, Chilean, 27, agent
Areda rates his own love life since coming to China more than two years ago as spectacularly bad.
"My experiences with relationships have been poor. I have had a fun time, but I don't think I can say I've had a single relationship in my time here," he said.
Asked why he has had such difficulty in developing a long-term relationship, he said "No idea."
He said he hasn't dated a Chinese woman during his time here.
"It just hasn't happened for me and I'm not sure why exactly. One girl I was seeing came from the US and another girl came from Australia," said Areda.
"I date, but it has never led to anything. They never became anything serious."
for China Daily
