Focus

Cold shoulder for Chinese men

By Nikki Aaron and Linjie Chou (China Daily)
Updated: 2010-04-15 08:24

Why don't Western girls date Chinese guys more?

It has become a normality of everyday life to see a foreign guy with a local Chinese girl on his arm, but still a rarity to see foreign girls walking hand in hand with a local Chinese guy.

It has been speculated that this is because a lot of people haven't moved past the traditional perception that Chinese guys are shorter and weaker than their Western counterparts, and therefore are unable to satisfy the needs of a Western woman. Surely this cannot be true?

I believe the truth to be the fact that Chinese guys have rarely been portrayed as the charming and handsome Hollywood hero, instead falling into the stereotypical roles of playing the comical sidekick or the educated businessman.

Bruce Lee was incredibly sexy, but he was never promoted as a woman's pin-up. He was instead celebrated for his skill, concentration, and his in most of his movies, fighting for honor. Thus Lee was adored by millions of adolescent boys, but not the girls.

I think that the portrayal of Chinese men in the Western media accounts for a lot when it comes to the question why Western women are rarely attracted to Chinese men. After all, we are all victims of the media, whether consciously or subconsciously, we are penetrated daily with information which helps us decide what's beautiful, what's cool, what feels good and what will improve our quality of life.

Having said that, it's not impossible for a Western girl to be charmed by Chinese men, but what it takes is a woman who is willing to detour from the "normal route" which her friends and family have most probably taken.

Unlike a lot of men, women worldwide start a relationship with the intent of a future together. A Western woman entering into a relationship with a Chinese guy, will therefore already be thinking two steps ahead, asking themselves the following questions: If we get married, which country will we settle in? Will he be prepared to leave China? Will he be able to provide for me and our children? Will our families accept a foreigner as part of the family? Will our different cultures cause problems in our relationship?

So, as you can see, a Western woman involving herself with a Chinese man seems a lot more complicated in comparison to choosing to date someone with a similar cultural background.

The bottom line is, unless the Western woman is prepared to break the status quo, and opt for the slightly unusual way of life, she will probably not look for serious romance with a local Chinese guy.

The article first appeared in Metrostyle magazine.

for China Daily

The answer is simple: Power and confidence

Chinese guys are generally very shy and often intimidated by the Western girls. Dr. Jiehai Zhang, the prominent Chinese social scientists, even called this a kind of "mental impotency". According to the research conducted by the Canadian professor Phillipe Rushton and the British Academician Robert Lynn, Chinese have the highest IQ level in the world, which by all means should be a strong quality most females crave, but the question is; why aren't these guys deemed as attractive in the eyes of the Western girls?

I think it is firstly due to the power Chinese as a nation lost during the opium war, whereby the national confidence diminished. Chinese culture imposes a strong sense of shame, so if one loses his confidence, sexual attraction can become a "mission impossible".

Western girls are generally quite emotional creatures and desire a dominant guy. I am not saying that guys should control them. But like all women, they need a guy who can protect them, at least from their emotional side. So if a guy isn't secure and confident in himself, how can he make anyone else interested in him?

With a primitive mind, we humans are still under the indispensable influence of the Mother Nature; dominant guys are still deemed more attractive than the intellectual guys in many ways. In the cavemen age, dominant guys could always protect their women and children in the case of an attack. This perhaps explains why girls are often attracted to bad guys even though they'll insist that all they want is a nice guy. Most women can't tell you why they like this particular kind of guy, but this is what I interpret as their attraction to confidence and dominance.

Western girls generally love to be flirted with and seduced by men. The courtship is not a simple task in the Western context. You have to get them emotionally intrigued; being rich and having loads of money is always appreciated by women. But the way the guy should approach the courtship is slightly different than he would with the Chinese girls.

Western girls are looking for the kind of great lifestyle you want to share with them, like going to Thailand and enjoying the sunshine or skiing in Lapland before Christmas. Simply by being a rich redneck is therefore not going to be enough to attract their attention. The key to winning a Western girl's heart is by having charm and a passion for life. In my opinion, Chinese guys are too practical and lack the "bigger than life" sense. What I meant by this is that Chinese guys are simply surviving, while the true Alfa guys, who get the girls, are out enjoying.

Most Western girls are attracted to the males who appear to live in his own world, and who creates his own reality. If a Chinese guy is confident, knows his own destiny and believes in his life path, that's what will attract the girls; no matter what nationality.

The article first appeared in Metrostyle magazine.

for China Daily