Voices
Why not talk to strangers?
By Lu Chang (China Daily)
Updated: 2010-04-09 08:03
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An old friend of mine told me that an unpleasant thing happened to her this week at a club in Sanlitun. As she waited alone for friends she sensed that a man at another table was staring at her.
After a while, the stranger approached her table and said: "Hi girl, you look nice. Do you mind sitting with me? "
"What?" she was very surprised.
"Come on. We can be friends," the fellow answered.
"Do I know you?" she asked.
"No, but I want to know you," he replied.
"I don't think so," she was very upset.
"Let me buy you a drink," he said, smiling.
But it was too late for him to realize what happened. My friend tossed water into his face.
"Look who got a free drink now," she said, finally able to be left alone.
She later told me girls should be very careful with guys and the drenching should have served up a fine lesson for him.
Most Chinese women feel offended if they are "harassed" by strangers or get unwanted looks from men.
However, that attention is often considered as a good thing by women in some other countries.
While on holiday in Rome two years ago I was enjoying an espresso in an outdoor caf bar. I saw a blond-haired woman sitting alone.
About five minutes later, an Italian man came up to her and asked whether she would join him. She smiled and sat beside him. They chatted and laughed. They exchanged phone numbers before parting.
In the Piazza di Spagna of Rome, where many world-renowned brands are sold, a store selling handmade jewelry caught my eye. I entered and saw an Italian man making a bracelet. I asked him whether I could take a photograph of him while he worked.
He agreed, but taking his co-worker, a middle-age woman in his arms, he said, "The photo won't be nice without a pretty woman."
"Yes, you're right. She is really pretty," I answered.
"But it is a pity that she is not my wife," he said, smiling, and shrugged his shoulders.
"You wish!" the woman patted his head and showed me her wedding ring with a big diamond on it.
She told me that her work was boring but made much more fun by the man's teasing. She called the man her "work husband". They like each other but nothing happens between them.
A study conducted by an Italian TV station found that Italian women felt much confident than women from other countries in Europe.
The truth is that compliments either from strangers or close friends are always welcome for women in Italy. That might help explain the survey results.
Chinese women sometimes are a little bit too conservative. My friend, who was told to act like a real lady when she was a little girl, thought the men who flatter women the first time they met are all playboys.
But what if the guy really does like her, or if he is the one she is looking for?
To refuse people you don't know is like putting up a wall to the outside.
It makes our life less adventurous and surprise-filled. Sometimes a potentially good friend may pass you by.
Of course, we should learn to discern the ones who really appreciate us from the ones who don't, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave.
But you should never shut the door to your heart.
