Voices
Dig deeper to find male appeal
By Kerry Xie (China Daily)
Updated: 2010-04-09 08:03
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Nowadays, there are plenty of single women over 30 in China; at any big Chinese meal there will be at least one. The irony lies in the fact that many of these women are among the very best of the sex.
Not that they believe it. My friend Teresa, for example, has succeeded in all categories of modern Chinese female virtue, save one. As a child, she did all her parents' bidding to perfection, excelling in school, sports and filial piety.
As a teen, she joined the battle to conquer the college entrance exam, like a born warrior, cramming and cramming until she finally won a spot at Tsinghua University. And the victories didn't stop there. Upon graduating, she won a great-paying, prestigious job at a multinational company.
It was at this point, however, that she fell short of her parents' nigh-impossible standards, by failing to land a husband of similarly high status and giving them a grandchild. With no Prince Charming on the horizon approaching her 30th birthday, Teresa's parents - who have never told her "I love you," or even, "Great job!" - exercise their ancient parental right to berate her for her "failure" at every weekend visit and holiday celebration.
Poor Teresa. She can discuss specific episodes of Sex & the City, but has still bought in completely to her parents' verdict: bad daughter, not a real woman.
Yet by modern standards, she is everything a woman can hope to be: educated, well-traveled, independent, with a great career and a confident personality that wins over everyone - except Prince Charming.
Therein lies the problem, with Teresa, my many friends like her, and the majority of similar women, they aren't waiting to be picked up by any man hungry for love and marriage, they have made it in this pressure cooker of a society, and any potential mate without similar success needn't bother bellying up to the table.
Teresa isn't picky at this point, she insists. As long as the guy makes at least as much money as she does (there goes ninety percent of men anywhere outside of Chaoyang district). Oh, and he has to have a good sense of humor. And not too short, of course - she's 175 cm. And he should be cute, if not handsome, with nice teeth. That's not so much for a successful, mature woman to ask, is it?
If only you weren't so successful and mature, Teresa! A city as big as Beijing may well have anywhere between half a million to a million, rich, tall, cute, funny guys with nice teeth. The thing is, mature and financially successful aren't too high on their list of demands. Were Teresa young, leggy, and oozing that silly spoiled brat attitude, her dreamboat would have docked by now.
If only we could put all the blame on the men for their superficial attitudes, the situation would be that much easier for Teresa and her comrades in singledom to bear. But she's just as guilty.
Forget Sex & the City; she should watch American Beauty, or at least heed the movie's tagline - "Look deeper". There's a funny guy with a good job out there for her, but he'd have to wear stacked heel shoes for their wedding pictures, and keep his mouth closed to hide his crooked teeth.
No one's telling Teresa to settle for second best, just to be as mature about relationships as she is about the rest of her life, and realize true love is nothing like a romantic comedy movie.
But Teresa's not having it. She's fighting this battle like she's fought every other, with ferocity and grim determination. She speed dates; she lurks at loud nightclubs.
The odds are against her, with so many young, leggy things vying for Prince Charming's attention. And desperation is a stinky perfume.
She doesn't need to look harder. She needs to look deeper.
