Voices
Sentiment about virgins hypocritical
By Huang Yuli (China Daily)
Updated: 2010-03-23 08:08
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An old high school classmate told me that his girlfriend won't make love to him, which makes him, at 25, still a virgin. He's upset. Last year, he told me the same thing. Essentially nothing has changed over the past year. The girlfriend told my friend she'd only lose her virginity on her wedding night. He said she's very determined to stay true to her word.
It's relatively common for a woman to be a virgin at 25- I've got several friends who never dated a guy until two years after college. When it comes to a man, 20 is acceptable; at 25, it's just embarrassing.
What makes me admire his girlfriend is that they've been together for almost six years. But the problem is - following the girlfriend's logic - if my friend wants to have a first time, they need to get married.
But then there's a problem. My friend is still a poor student with his career not yet started. He is in no position to offer the fundamentals of married life: a place to live, furniture, even a decent ring. These are seen as significant by both of them.
Furthermore, for one and a half years they have lived in different cities. My friend is studying in Changsha, and his girlfriend works in Shanghai. They only see each other about three or four times a year. In this way - and follow their reasoning - only after at least another three or four years can there be any possibility of them settling down and getting married. That means my friend will still be a virgin when he's almost 30.
"I like her for being like that", my friend says, "but honestly, it's hard." He suggested that maybe he should lose his virginity with another girl and keep this relationship at the same time.
Then you're cheating on her, I pointed out, and that's unfair.
Actually, I hate men acting like that. I know that any number of Chinese guys still have the so-called "virgin issue". They want their wives to have had no experience of sex prior to them - that's why there is a market for hymen mending surgery. That's also the reason why lots of conservative girls remain virgins until their wedding night.
But it's so hypocritical that men can have other sex partners and their girlfriends can't find out because there is no hymen or its equivalent for men.
I despise such acts. It breaks the equality in a relationship. If you're not a virgin, then you have definitely no right to demand I am one.
"Do you care if she is a virgin?" My question wasn't even finished when his answer popped out - "Yes!"
Why? I knew my friend was conservative but I didn't realize he is so dedicated. "What I am so aware of is not her virginity, but her," he said. "I've remained a virgin all these years for her. If she did it with another man, it would break my heart."
To such an answer I have nothing to say. It is true, indeed. I suddenly seem to see the crux of his problem: Sex is one aspect, but the concern that they might not be able to end up together, the thought that he might lose her sooner or later is torturing him.
