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In down times, friendship can nourish the soul
By Huang Yuli (China Daily)
Updated: 2010-03-08 10:41
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It's tradition for high school classmates to get together during the Spring Festival over a big dinner or party to catch up with old friends.
Attending college in different cities means friendship via phone calls and e-mails. Opportunities to meet up in person are slim.
Since my freshman year of college I've been very dedicated to organizing such parties. In high school I was on the student council, and I'm used to doing this.
But this year, two years after my college graduation, changes are taking place.
When an old friend invited me, I didn't feel like attending because I quit my job just before the holiday and haven't found a new one. This situation makes me physically uneasy, and I sense uncertainty and a lack of safety. I didn't want to meet old friends, let alone join the party.
Job, salary, position, boyfriend, girlfriend - these are the things people talk and exchange ideas about during classmate get-togethers. Eventually, comparisons are made.
It's difficult for me to handle the competition in silence. In the past, I've always been proud of myself. And there's a saying which goes: "Those who are outstanding in school are far less good in society."
You do find lots of such examples. After my friend called me a second time, I went to the big dinner. As I expected, some of my friends have bought apartments and cars. Those two things are the task you've got to accomplish within the first 10 years after graduation. Some have already saved an amount of money I could not achieve after three years of work or more.
I then realized how emotionally fragile we can be.
During our conversations I sadly found out that one young woman behaved a bit abnormally. She said she suffered depression and can only stay at home now. It came as a shock. She's tall, slim and intelligent.
I didn't ask the reasons but surely pressure is one of them. I couldn't help but wonder whether the problem comes from us being too competitive. If it does, am I now on the edge of danger?
It suddenly occurred to me that when a woman whined online after her classmates meeting that an old classmate drove her home in a BMW (she has no car), I looked down on her and doubted her abilities.
Now I felt myself not too respectable.
When you compare the advantages of others with your shortfalls, the feeling of inferiority keeps growing. In the end you don't believe in yourself, let alone fulfill your dream of incredible achievements.
Another thing particular to classmates' meetings is that, if you focus too much on the comparisons you fail to remember your original reason for getting together: to meet the old friends.
Isn't it fascinating to catch up with the lives of others, to exchange ideas, to whine freely?
You find friendship is as true as it was in the past. Moreover, these connections might even help in life or career in the future.
If you fear the inevitable comparisons and don't show up at such get-togethers, you'll lose these friends totally. Is it worth that risk?
Fortunately, I sorted through my confusion and joined in. It truly was a warm night with all my friends.
I see their success as an example to follow in my effort to seek a new job in the new year.
