In a recent article in the China Daily, it was reported that an education program is in the process of measuring students "EQ" Emotional Quotient. The first homework assignment for the students in this group was to go home and give their parents a hug. It was felt that Chinese children have a lower emotional quotient than western students. This is probably true, as Chinese families have traditionally shied away from showing open affection and especially displaying physical intimacy such as hugging or kissing in public.

A hug is when two people put their arms around the neck, back or waist of one another and hold each other closely. If more than two people, it is referred to as a group hug and another similar version of hugging is cuddling, where two people will walk with hands intertwined. This is especially common among women in China and we will address this later.

In the West, initial greeting start with a simple handshake but as the two persons become more familiar, it can progress to hugs upon greeting and departure. This leads to a dilemma in Asian cultures because hugging is not so common and not as openly accepted, especially between a man and woman. The issue is compounded if the person giving a hug is a foreigner to a local Chinese lady.

Almost every native person I spoke to indicated that they were not comfortable receiving a hug but tolerated it because they recognize that this was an accepted custom in the west. Again woman-to-woman, was no problem but when it comes to receiving a big crushing hug from a "lao wai" 老外, a foreigner, the seconds seem like hours and she will hope that no one she knows, is watching.

This is due to traditional Chinese upbringing and very conservative education in the school system and at home. Sex education was only recently introduced into the Chinese system and still very basic and just in a form of presentation with minimal discussion, if any. This is changing as more Chinese are studying abroad and getting more exposure to international visitors and customs.

The key teaching of Confucianism is the spirit of benevolence, which values governmental morality, correctness of social relationships, justice and sincerity. People lived in clusters and smaller villages and were kind and supportive to each other. However with the rapid economic growth and people moving to mega cities where neighbors do not know each other and people you meet today, will not likely cross paths again, the old rules are quickly fading as new rules arise. The acts of kindness seem unnecessary and resulting in cases of public passing by fallen pedestrians hurt but unheeded. People are getting mentally disoriented and not sure how to react to these new morals.

The Chinese new youth, referred to those born after 1980, are in the midst of this change. Their children are openly hugging and comfortable with public physical intimacy such as handshakes and hugging. Some Chinese men are still struggling with giving a firm handshake instead of a limp fish, a wet one at that, since he is nervous and has sweaty hands.

The Chinese government is supporting this change with greater exposure to international programs. One of the most successful is the Confucius Institutes administered by the HanBan 汉办 which literally means the Chinese Language Department of the Ministry of Education. This program was introduced in 2004 with a main objective to teach Chinese to foreigners. But the program has now expanded to teach Chinese cultural programs and crafts.

I was involved with establishing one of the first Institutes in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada and it is now thriving with an extensive library and has several volunteer teachers from China. There are now over 1000 Institutes throughout the world and over 10,000 teachers spending 2-3 years in foreign schools. When they return to China, they bring back new ideas and exposure to cultures. As this passes through the Chinese education system and students, China will become more comfortable with how to react to strangers and their sometimes-strange customs. This won't happen overnight but gradually and by the next generation.

As Madam Xu Lin, Director General of the HanBan emphasizes, the teachers learn as much as they teach and it is a mutually rewarding experience. There is an old Chinese saying: "When you give a gift of roses, the fragrance remains." The HanBan headquarters is just north of the second ring road at DeShengMen gate 德胜门. There is a wonderful interpretative center open to the public and children and adults can learn about the origins of Chinese calligraphy, musical instruments and cuisine. There is also a large selection of Chinese language textbooks and teaching aids.

Another example, of trying to adapt a more caring attitude is the introduction of World Kindness Day (November13) to China. This event was introduced in Australia in 1994 and is picking up momentum and being recognized by several countries. World Kindness Day is to highlight good deeds in the community focusing on the positive power and the common thread of kindness, which binds us. Kindness is a fundamental part of the human condition which bridges the divides of race, religion, politics, gender and zip codes. Kindness Cards are also an ongoing activity, which can either be passed on to recognize an act of kindness and or ask that an act of kindness be done. Approaches are being made to the United Nations by the peak global body.

In 2006, a young man in Hunan introduced World Kindness Day and it was picked up by the netizen and each year there appears to be more people doing kind deeds for strangers and giving more hugs to everyone. Trying to have everyone take some time out from his or her own selfish busy activities and try to pass some happiness to others.

Not only in China are there changes in the frequency of hugging. I polled several of my friends in Canada and they all made the same comments. Hugging is more visible and active now than when we were younger. We all see our children readily giving a hug in situations when we have a past relationship or become friends. Saying goodbye with a handshake seems too impersonal and we need the physical embrace to express ourselves. My friends also say that hugging is more prevalent with younger girls and amongst girls versus boys, especially the teenagers. There is always a concern of sexual harassment so some schools actually banned hugging but I think that is going too far.

One of my other friends also thought this was a terrific subject and I am thinking of a way to use it as a research project in order to get more hugs with strange ladies, but I think that this is going too far. (My friend was a goalie on the University hockey team, I think before the use of protective headgear, so he was always thinking outside of the box.)

Again, quoting from HanBan Director General Xu Lin, "When you give a hug, you usually get one in return." Which sounds like a good idea, so why don't we all try it?