When writing an article recently, I came across an unexpected problem. Some people objected to being called foreigners and preferred to be called expats. It was extremely difficult to find a term that encapsulated everybody who is not Chinese, as it was not possible or practical to name every single nationality that makes up the foreign population here.

Where do you stand on this issue, do you object to being called a foreigner? I personally have no problem with this term as that is what I am. I am living temporarily in a country that is not mine. I do not consider myself to be an expat as I have only put down tenuous roots. I would describe an expat as someone who intends to stay ad infinitum, i.e. maybe they have married a Chinese person, or bought a property etc. In fact large numbers of foreigners here are not expats, being students who will mostly definitely go home when their studies are finished.

The biggest single foreign nationality here are the Koreans, they outnumber everyone else. Whole families come here because the father is working for a Korean company. There are some that have been here long term, but usually they only stay for three or four years and then they usually go back to Korea. They would not describe themselves as expats.

I personally really object to someone calling me a Laowai. If you ask your Chinese friends what this term means, they will not want to hurt your feelings and will tell you it is a friendly term. However if you can find someone that is willing to be honest, you will discover that this is generally an insulting term. I say generally because it is not always meant as an insult and I will explain a bit more about this later.

Yesterday I walked past a man in a market, and he shouted out in a very loud voice "Whoaaaa!!" I knew he was going to say something stupid because as I approached him, his mouth dropped exaggeratedly. I stopped dead in my tracks and turned around and stared at him, making him think that I thought he had called me. He was terribly embarrassed, as having caught my attention, he then did not know what to do. Instead of getting annoyed, I laughed out loud because he obviously didn't expect me to react. He is the type of person that usually shouts out "Laowai".

Last week when I was waiting on the platform in the metro a child suddenly came over from the other platform to me, examined me, ran away and shouted to her father "Yes she is a Laowai". The father then shouted in his equally loud voice "Is she, is she a Laowai?" which of course made me the centre of attention, when I was just quietly waiting and didn't particularly want to be put under a microscope. Another time I walked past a bunch of teenagers and they took delight in shouting out "Laowai" at the tops of their voices and then sniggering. Usually when I hear this term I am provoked to fury. However when I recently interviewed a Westerner, he referred to himself as a Laowai. He obviously has no problem with this term at all. Since we all have different reactions, this just confuses Chinese people even more. Obviously every language has disrespectful terms to refer to foreigners but I would never use any of the English ones to refer to anyone.

I started to wonder, are we giving Chinese people a problem? How are they supposed to address us? One Chinese person who speaks English very well had not heard of the term expat before, it simply is not a term that is taught in schools. I looked up the term foreigner and it gives the explanation as someone who comes from another country. Chinese people cannot tell the difference between the different nationalities and actually it makes no difference to them. People quite often ask me about American things and when I tell them I have no idea, they are puzzled. They try to talk to me about certain American TV series, and I am sure they don't quite believe me when I say I have never seen them. They think that American and English culture is the same. Of course there are some similarities, but there are also many differences. I think I am now in a position to explain what grits are, (for you English readers, I am not talking about what they put on the road when it snows. Your homework is to ask an American).

Something happened recently which helped to clarify my mind on the matter. I was with a Chinese friend and a woman came along. She pointed at me and asked my friend "Is she a Laowai?" In my best Chinese I told her I was really not comfortable hearing her calling me a Laowai. She was mortally embarrassed and kept apologising, she had not meant to offend me and had not realised that I could understand her. She then asked a question that was like a knife to my heart "What am I supposed to call you?" I felt extremely foolish as I replied that the term foreigner is ok. Then I felt ashamed. I told my friend that I had just made a big mistake and she said "That woman did not mean anything bad. You are probably the first foreigner she has ever seen and spoken to". I felt uncomfortable for days thinking about the look of horror on her face as I told her I was insulted. Hence my decision is I won't necessarily get offended if someone calls me a Laowai, I will first think about their motive for doing so. If there is no bad motive, why should I waste my energy getting angry about something so trivial.

If I had reached this decision a lot earlier in my life here I would have saved myself a lot of heartache. I can't tell you the amount of times I have been reduced to a shaking, furious mess because yet again someone on the bus announced to everyone "Laowai" in his best and biggest voice. If you ask me what I dislike most about being here, I can honestly say it is being referred to as a Laowai. No doubt some of you will think that there are more important things to get upset about, and now I agree. I won't let it spoil my life here anymore – at least I will try not to let it spoil my life here.

So let me ask you again, what term offends you? What should Chinese people call you? Another pertinent question is what should we call ourselves, as we are not all expats? I am not going to make things difficult for my Chinese friends by taking offence when there is none meant. Motive is all important, if they are referring to you as a Laowai simply because they don't know how else to address you, maybe you can consider letting it pass.