Who does not like to give and receive gifts? Like most people you probably delight in giving your friends a gift, and before buying it, you doubtless have given it much thought. Will he or she like it? Will they find it useful or beautiful, or both? Will they treasure it as they realise you have gone to a lot of trouble to find the perfect present? Will they realise how much they mean to you? If you are giving gifts to Chinese friends there is also something else you have to consider, how beautiful is the box containing the gift? The way something looks is very important. You will notice that at special times, for instance Moon Festival, shops will compete with each other over their presentation boxes of moon cakes. Some of them are spectacular and are obviously extremely expensive.

I have spent a lot of time discussing this with my friends and they have made me understand that looks are everything. Sometimes the contents of the box are not important but the box itself must be very beautiful. I have tried telling them that if somebody gives me a beautiful box I will feel cheated if inside is something cheap – actually the cheapness wouldn't be a problem if the gift itself was useful, for instance if I had just broken my can opener and somebody had got me a new one. One friend told me about her grandparents who had been married for 60 years, and the grandfather presented a beautiful box to his wife saying "In 60 years I have never bought you anything, so today I bought you this necklace". His wife was very moved and in view of the appearance of the box said "Oh you shouldn't have spent so much money", whereupon her husband said "I didn't, this necklace only cost 10 yuan". Instead of getting angry, she examined the box in detail and said "I will keep the box, it is better than the necklace".

Buying a present for a Chinese friend needs a lot of thought. I wanted to buy some chocolates for a friend but someone told me that "an older woman (45 years old!) would not appreciate them as old people do not like sweet things, also she would be worried about putting on weight". Instead I bought her some face packs and she was utterly delighted.

Chinese people like to give gifts of food, especially the speciality of the area. In case you don't know, if you go to visit someone in another place, you should take Tianjin's speciality, mahua. These are hard, crispy and sweet twisted dough sticks. I have found that a lot of local delicacies that my friends bring from other places are not to my taste, also they are quite expensive so I want to tell them not to waste their money, but they would be offended. It is definitely the thought that counts with them so I sometimes have to grit my teeth and try to eat what they bring. Just recently a friend brought some "things" from a far place. They were interestingly boxed up and even the paper was beautiful so we were quite excited. She slowly unwrapped them and by their appearance I already knew I wasn't going to like them. They were strange tasting hard dry biscuits that were far too crumbly and sweet, in fact they were not biscuits but I am at a loss to describe them. Before I could say anything, she said "Oh, they are really horrible". I was relieved as that meant I could spit them out. "How can they taste so horrible, they were so expensive?" she wailed, she was so disappointed I felt sorry for her. "Didn't you know what they tasted like before you bought them?" I asked. Another friend said "These things are so expensive, we don't eat them ourselves, we buy them for friends". That made me feel even worse. I quickly said "It's the thought that counts, at least we know now what they taste like". Had I known that they were expensive I would have forced myself to eat them. I get the feeling that this kind of gift is just to let the person know their friend was thinking about them, even though they were travelling to a far place, the taste itself is not important. I still have a lot to learn about Chinese culture and every time I mess up, I wonder when I am going to get it right.

When buying for a Chinese friend, apart from age, you also have to consider their status in life as that should influence how much you spend. As it is difficult to find suitable gifts, a fail-safe option is expensive and beautifully packaged tea. It should be something that the recipient can be proud to display to his friends. Speaking of tea, I was in a tea shop and a man wanted to buy a present for his friend. The tea was presented in a beautiful gift box but the seller did not have a matching bag. She tried, foolishly I thought, to persuade him to accept another bag. It was quite expensive tea, 200 yuan, and the seller was keen to make a sale. However the man rejected it as he could not give an oddly matched box and bag. I thought the result was obvious and had I been her, would not have even attempted to make him buy it.

If you are buying a gift for a woman who has just given birth, you can think about giving eggs. Eggs also come impressively packaged and are labelled according to their usefulness. If you are not sure what type to give, ask the sales assistant, who will ask you all sorts of questions, including the gender of the baby as this will influence the type of eggs that should be given.

If you are buying for an elderly person, beautifully boxed cartons of speciality milk is something that is sure to be a big hit. Everybody knows these are expensive as they have added vitamins and nutrients so they will go down well, no pun intended.

If you are simply going to a friend's house for dinner, don't go empty handed, take a gift. It doesn't have to be expensive, fruit is always a popular choice if you can't think of anything else, or a cake in a beautiful box will also be appreciated. Of course if money is no object than something with a famous name will always be welcome, although it would be best not to attempt to buy clothes or shoes, as what you think looks good is guaranteed not be a hit with Chinese friends.