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In a few days' time, on 12 June, Brazil play Croatia in the opening match of theWorld Cup. For some, this will be the start of a month embedded in front of atelevision; for as many – if audience figures are an accurate measure – it will be a time to start moaning. About how everything is football, football, football. Well, yes, it is. But it's only for a month. So give the rest of us a break.

It's hardly as if the TV schedules are ever that great in the summer, so we're not keeping you away from anything. Try to think of it as repayment for all those dull programmes you've made us watch over the course of the year. Better still, try to join in the fun. It's not compulsory to have the volume turned up when Adrian Chiles is presenting. Quite the reverse. And if you can't bring yourself to cheer when your team wins, at least take pleasure in the disappointment of others when their team is knocked out. Schadenfreude is one of football's greatest pleasures.

Here are four classic criticisms football killjoys will make this summer – and how to answer them.

It doesn't matter

If you're going to be like that, then what does matter? Most things we do – certainly most of the programmes we watch on television – are no more than ways to fill in time. We're all going to be dead sooner or later anyway. But seeing as we're all still here for the moment, we might as well try to enjoy some of it. What else were you planning to do for the duration of the World Cup that was so important? Watch re-runs of Lewis on ITV2? Besides, do you remember how you were certain the London Olympics were going to be a total waste of money and you wouldn't watch any of them? They weren't so bad in the end, were they?

They're all millionaires

Strictly speaking, this probably isn't true. I doubt every player in the Iranian and Honduras squads has a million in the bank. But even if they do, what of it? They're still some of the best footballers in the world. Besides, if you have a moral objection to being entertained by millionaires, then you had better be consistent. No more going to see any Hollywood blockbusters at the movies. Come to think of it, you can also forget about watching the new series of Sherlock whenever it comes out, because Benedict Cumberbatch and Martin Freeman are both loaded now. Essentially you can wave goodbye to ever enjoying anything good enough to have become a huge success.

They've got nothing to do with me

And be grateful for it. A night in front of the TV watching Lionel Messi, Cristiano Ronaldo and Wayne Rooney is time well spent: a night out with the three of them in a bar is probably quite hard work. I'd imagine the conversation might drag a little at times. The feeling that you can only watch people on television with whom you feel some connection or empathy suggests a deep narcissism, or a borderline personality disorder. You know that moment on the BBC Ten O'Clock News when Fiona Bruce looks deep into your eyes and says: "And finally …"? I'm sorry to disillusion you, but she's not actually looking into your eyes. Not really.

It's just a game

What's so bad about that? At least it only lasts 90 minutes, bar the hours of chat in which pundits try to impose a pattern on a random series of events. And if you do require your games to have a serious moral purpose, then think of the World Cup as a more peaceful version of warfare – where England get to relive their rivalries with Germany; the US square up to Russia; Argentina and Uruguay can lock horns without anyone getting killed. Hopefully. Put like this, the World Cup is a parallel version of Newsnight, with the guns being replaced by a ball. Who wouldn't want to watch that?