Mouse clicks target love rats (The Sunday Times) Updated: 2005-09-21 10:06 Just as the FBI has its
"most wanted" list of criminals, American women have their own "most dastardly"
list of unfaithful rotters and cheats, complete with mug shots and resumes of
their offences.
"He used me ... Oh yeah! And our apartment ... I paid all the rent ... all
the groceries," fumes one complainant on Don't Date Him Girl.
Another angry ex warns women off John, her former boyfriend. "Girls, he is a
great player. When he thinks he has got you, he will cheat on you with a friend
of yours right under your nose. He makes you think you are so special ... and
then the real John comes out!"
John is listed under his full name, along with his age, race, height, weight,
city and state, in this case, Shelburne, Vermont. Anybody who is contemplating
dating him can discover with the click of a mouse that he is a love rat.
The website is part of a trend to name and shame on the web. Sites such as
ratemyteachers.com - "If I could beat myself over the head with a shovel for 45
minutes instead of going to her class, I would" - are proliferating.
There is no shortage of potential wrongdoers for dontdatehimgirl: a 2003
survey by the National Opinion Research Centre at the University of Chicago
found that 22 per cent of all men cheated.
Tasha Joseph, the site's 33-year-old founder, was inspired to launch it in
July when she was chatting to friends about men's infidelity. "It's not a crime
punishable by law, but it's a moral crime," she said.
Dontdatehimgirl took off when local radio stations eagerly recounted the
misdeeds of the rotten apples in their midst. Joseph now has a backlog of
hundreds of entries.
"Cuban Dream Girl" from Miami Beach explains on the website how she was
charmed by "F" (his name and photograph are displayed on the site).
"I thought he was serious about me as he would call me his fiancee to
everyone he'd meet and always told me he loved me," she said. But he cheated on
her for five months.
After she posted his details on dontdatehimgirl, her local radio station put
her on the air. "I did what every woman who has ever been cheated on would love
to do," she said. "I gave him his 15 minutes of fame, but not in a nice way."
A chastened F has been begging Cuban Dream Girl to give him another chance.
"It took 20,000 listeners for him to realise he messed up. He says he can't live
without me. I'm enjoying seeing him beg, but there is no way I am having him
back," she said.
A few entrants in the rogue's gallery are spoofs, such as one featuring Jude
Law, the actor - "he was cheating with his children's nanny!" Women are also
warned to beware of Eric Benet, a singer and self-confessed sex addict. "He even
cheated on Halle Berry so he'll cheat on you!"
Joseph has resisted the temptation to include Brad Pitt because he has not
admitted to adultery with Angelina Jolie. If he does, he will be there.
But 99 per cent of the entries are about men next door.
Sean Amore, 29, from Baltimore, is outraged that men are identified while
their accusers are able to remain anonymous.
"The whole premise makes me bristle. I'm stunned by the way the site allows
women to libel these men without having to identify themselves or (prove) they
are honest," said Amore. "I've had plenty of relationships, good and bad, and
I'd never want to have revenge in that way."
Alleged villains are entitled to reply, although most do not. A "friend" of
one husband has, however, posted an indignant rebuttal to the allegation by
"Destroyed Wife" of Coconut Creek, Florida, that he lied to her about a
six-month affair - and names her in return.
"You just can't understand that you are the one that ruined the marriage," he
writes. "You treated your husband worse than I have ever seen anyone treat
someone they supposedly love. Many times he tried to be nice to you and attempt
to make a better relationship ... He now has the chance to find someone who
treats him the way a wife should."
Despite the right of reply, dontdatehimgirl is unapologetically one-sided.
"I realise that women cheat and if there is a person out there who wants to
start their own website, go ahead, but ours is about cheating men," said Joseph
tartly.
In some cases it is difficult to feel sympathy for the victim. "I was with
him for four years ... He got married, but we were still seeing each other,"
writes one correspondent, to whom one is tempted to say: what did you expect?
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