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My transformation from America to China

By Thomas J. Gorton (chinadaily.com.cn)
Updated: 2011-04-15 11:12

[You are welcome to share your China stories with China Daily website readers. We will publish two or three articles every week from April 8, 2011, and the authors will be paid 200 yuan ($30).Detail]

In 2006, I was trying internet dating for a few months in the United States, my homeland. I was contacted by a Chinese lady.

The author and his wife pose for a photo. [Photo provided to chinadaily.com.cn]

Trying to date someone 9,000 miles away would be foolish, I thought. After a few weeks of writing back and forth I decided to come to China for the first time and meet her in person. If it didn't go well at least I would get to see part of China, a country I knew little about.

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I booked a round trip flight that would allow me to be in China for five days and nights. At the end of those five days I knew that I was in love with my "date". But I also felt something even less expected. I felt really good about being in China during those five days and didn't want to leave. I liked what I saw, I liked the people that I met, I liked the way I felt. It was different from America and I welcomed that difference. It was refreshing.

One year later, in 2007, my Chinese "date" immigrated to the USA where we were married. Prior to that I made two more visits to her home in China for a total of three weeks. Being among the Chinese people for additional time, I began to fully understand what was so appealing to me. It was my wife's family and the Chinese people.

I sensed a broad happiness among the people that I didn't see in Americans. There is a lack of materialism here that so many Americans focus on. The gentleness and welcoming I experienced from those I met and talked with pulled me in. I liked it. It was unexpected. As I learned more about the Chinese culture I could see clearly that it had depth, history and substance. The importance of family was visibly apparent. I was accepted into my wife's immediate and extended family just as if I was Chinese. I found it to be humbling.

I started to read books written by Americans that had lived in China for extended periods of time. I wanted to get their "take" on China, I wanted to see how they felt about living here and how they viewed the citizens of the country. I read six books by different Americans that had lived here and also studied up on the American novelist Pearl S. Buck.

Buck, the daughter of American missionarys, lived in China 80 years ago for a very long time. No outsider loved China more than she did. The other authors I read all admired the people, respected and loved them. That information really made up my mind. Peter Hessler, who has written three wondeful books about China, was most instrumental in my decision to leave the USA.

In 2009 we decided that China should be our home. My wife needed a little persuading at first due to the fact that she had a good job and was making a nice salary that she was sending home to her three children. I was ready to leave the USA for a new home. At the age of 58, feeling somewhat stale and stagnant after living in the same town for forty years, I needed a change. A rebirth of sorts. That change had to be in a land that I was sure I would embrace and enjoy.

Once I left the USA it would be financially difficult to return. I had to have the utmost confidence that the move would be right for my wife and me. I was absolutely sure that China was that place. I had no doubt in my mind. China beckoned me. The Chinese people beckoned me. There are so many solid reasons to be here and not somewhere else.

We sold our home in Massachusetts and gave away most everything we owned. Clothes that didn't fit anymore were given to charity. Material possessions, unimportant here and no longer important to me, were given to friends. With seven suitcases we headed for Nanning, Guangxi and started over. My wife was very happy to be back close to her family and I was thrilled to be able to experience a new and wonderful country, full of people that I respect and admire. I was gaining a family again.

I wish that more foreigners could understand and experience this incredible culture and the warm, generous and extremely hard working Chinese people. I know that the rest of the world could learn much from this land if they would open their eyes and minds. The peacefulness of this nation is extraordinary. I am honored to be able to live in this great country.

After fifteen months, we have established ourselves in our new home and are fully settled in. Many people, both Chinese and American, ask me about difficulty adjusting to life here. My response is that no adjustment was necessary. The day our flight landed I was prepared and ready, but most importantly, knew that our decision to be here was the correct one. I quickly came to love this ancient land. The right choice was made.

We have many new friends and reconnected with my wife's friends from her life before she left for America. I worried about leaving many of my life long friends behind in the US. I have filled that void with new relationships here, with people from all walks of life and of all ages. I cannot say that was true back home. I value highly the wisdom of the elderly. I learn much from them. My new, extended family is closely bonded with each other and have included me in that bond. Holidays are something to look forward to again. Being with my Chinese family and friends is always a joyful event filled with laughter, no matter the occasion.

So that's my China story. My transformation from America to China. An old life to a new life. From a culture that's losing its' way and its' values to a culture that is strong and vibrant, rich in texture and color. I am most fortunate to be here with my Chinese wife, with our Chinese family, with our friends and with the great people of China. China. My home!

[You are welcome to share your China stories with China Daily website readers. We will publish two or three articles every week from April 8, 2011, and the authors will be paid 200 yuan ($30).Detail]