Bolder moves
Many parents said they don't hold overly conservative attitudes to puppy love because they are unwilling to overplay or overemphasize things that are part of the normal process of growing up. However, many said that they are disturbed by the public intimacy.
"It's common to see teenagers feeding each other ice cream or a girl sitting on a boy's lap when waiting for a bus," said a mother of a 14-year-old girl in Nanjing, Jiangsu province, who gave her name as Zhang. "I tell my daughter to avoid physical contact when she's alone with boys."
But sometimes the children's tricks are hard to detect. Many students said their classmates have borrowed identity cards from older kids to go to hotels. ID cards are required as part of the checking in procedure, but most people don't receive them until they are 16.
Wei refused to say if he has been to hotels with his girlfriend, but said his boarding school is near a college district, which has plenty of karaoke bars and hotels. "I believe that's the main reason my parents refused to apply for my ID card in advance," he said.
Zhang Wen, a 15-year-old girl from Shanghai, said many of her schoolmates date girls or boys from other schools to avoid the attention of teachers, and that hotel dates are an open secret among their peers.
"Some girls are excited about going to bed with handsome boys," she said. "They usually stay at economy inns for just a few hours because it's expensive to stay overnight and also family rules mean they have to go home."
"Hotels do not cross-check the photo on the ID card with the holder because they are familiar with teenagers' practices," she added.
A 15-year-old girl in Shanghai, surnamed Guan, said minors are following the rage for hotel dates because they think it's an international practice, something they've learned from US TV series.
"The free and open life in Gossip Girl - a US-based teen drama - seems fancy and we yearn for that," she said. "When we see how open they are, we believe that we behave too conservatively. We should learn from the West," she added.
Negative effects
In addition to the impact of foreign ideas, experts believe information available in the mass media may also give children the perception that cohabitation and shotgun marriages are fashionable.
"It seems that TV series nowadays have no other ideas (in their plots) than getting pregnant before marriage, cohabiting and divorce," said Professor Cui.
"And divorced men are often promoted as the successful ones, looking for new sweethearts and living in two-story houses, things that make children believe these men really outperform the others," she said.
However, the influence of the adults in each child's life is a more powerful factor than TV shows, according to experts. "People (adults) will ask each other questions, such as 'Haven't you dumped him?' or 'You're still with her?' when they get together. Sometimes that can give kids the impression that it's a sign of success to constantly change girlfriends and boyfriends," said Cui.
In addition, the speed with which some parents marry and divorce can change children's understanding of love and marriage, according to Shu Xin, director of the China Marriage and Family Affairs Consulting and Research Center, a non-governmental organization.
"Children will no longer think love and marriage are very serious if they see seniors showing an imprudent attitude in this respect," he said.
More than 2.11 million Chinese couples divorced in 2011, according to the Ministry of Civil Affairs. The data show that the figure has risen by about 10 percent on average every year since 2007.
Children constantly absorb a huge amount of information from their parents and society, so adults should consider the appropriateness of some of their public pronouncements and the possible effect on minors.
Moreover, the adult belief that sexual awareness is inappropriate for children can cause problems too. "Some adults blush when they see billboards featuring scantily clad men and women, and that's hindering the development of teenagers," said Cui. "The relevant agencies should keep an eye on this to ensure prime-time TV series and commercials are healthy for minors."
Lawyers said it is understandable that hotels do not stop teenagers checking in, they are businesses after all, but they are obliged to give reminders and discourage the kids.
"Greater legislation efforts should be made, such as demanding detailed registration information when minors check in at hotels or simply banning them from staying at hotels without their guardians," said Yi Shenghua, an attorney at the Yingke Law Firm in Beijing.
"After all, it's just like cybercafes and karaoke bars that prohibit minors from entering the premises," he said.
Contact the reporter at zhouwenting@chinadaily.com.cn
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